Elle Taylor, Thyroid Thrivers Thyroid Nation
20 years old High Wycombe, UK Hyperthyriodism Diagnosed in 2012
Hyperthyroidism, saved my life. In a strange way, I am grateful to have this thyroid disease.
It all started kicking off at the young age of 18. I may not be very old, but I KNOW that 18 years old, is young. Too young for depression and undiagnosed hyperthyroidism.
I could feel myself falling apart, inside my body. Not to mention, visibly on the outside. My hair was falling out, what? I was only 18. I kept sweating and feeling tired and then hyper at the same time and uncontrollable. I was loosing weight, but feeling so hungry. My heart was racing and beating so fast and I couldn’t come to terms with what was happening. I had just had enough. What was wrong with me?, was all I could think about.
Finally, I went to see the doctor. Like most of the stories out there, my doctor just brushed it off. He prescribed me with antidepressants. Obviously, that wasn’t the issue and so sadly, they didn’t help at all.
Unfortunately, it got so bad, that I started to harm myself in different ways. Cutting myself was one of my coping mechanisms and a serious cry for help, as no one would listen to me. I was screaming on the inside and on the outside for help. No one believed me or helped with my understanding or diagnosis of hypothyroidism. Unbelievably, my own family thought I was doing it for attention. I felt like I was going insane. Can you even imagine? It is so hard to even put into words, not knowing what is going on in your own mind. And body! It was very frustrating and confusing, to say the least.
One morning, shortly after I woke up, I had never felt so terrible in all my life and I thought about ending my life. Committing suicide seemed better than the hell I was living, at the tie. Thankfully, something made me stop. Why should I end my life, just because no one believes me? Or just because I’m not in control of what’s going on? Internally, I knew there must be more to the story. Call it, ‘women’s intuition’.
I called the Samaritans, who were really patient and a great help. They luckily, booked me in for an assessment immediately, at a mind clinic, that very day. I told my father and asked for help. I wanted to see if he would mind taking me to he hospital. I didn’t drive and it was a good forty minute trip. He moaned heavily and actually said I was making it all up in my head. That there was nothing wrong with me! My own father.
He drove me the entire way and didn’t say a word. Silently crying the entire trip feeling as though I was alone and not even my dad believed, or understood me and what I was going through. It was the longest drive I can remember. When we did eventually arrive, he said, ” make your own way back home!” I couldn’t even comprehend or believe it.
I knew I wasn’t coming back until I got answers. Real answers as to why my body was deceiving me. Where had the old me gone? It was like something had just ripped the life out of me. Stole me, from me.
The hospital did ask many questions. But, after a short while I decided I needed to go and stay in a mental illness ward. At 18 years old, I had never felt so scared in all my life. This was something awful I had to do, or no one would listen to me. This was the only way, I felt, that I could get real help and start to get better. And not feel so crazy. To heal and have support.
They monitored me closely, but unimaginably, that’s all they did.
No one sat me down to talk. To them, I was just this crazy person who checked herself in. Unfortunately, the only way I knew to shout for help, was to hurting myself again. So, I did. All they said was to stop doing it, otherwise I wouldn’t get out!
By that point, I had lost all hope. So, I kept my head down the rest of the week. Not even getting out of bed to walk around or do anything, was another cry for help. My family visited, but still thought I was just going through a phase and that I’d get over it.
On the seventh day, they discharged me, since I went in voluntarily. I still felt the same as when I went in if not worse. Two days later I had an appointment with the doctor. I went on my own. I sat down and he explained that he had received my blood results from the psyche ward. He took one look at me and said, “I’m sorry, you are suffering with hyperthyroidism.”
That was it. I finally had an answer. I wasn’t crazy. I had hyperthyroidism. The doctor proceeded to explain it to me in detail. Strangely, I was elated and scared, all at the same time. I could ‘title’ my illness, which was a good thing. It wasn’t a phase, it was something. Something serious – called ‘hyperthyroidism’. He gave me a prescription and all of a sudden, I felt as if a whole weight had been lifted off of me. I burst into tears and cried for at least five minutes. I cannot even remember what the doctor did, during my emotional sobbing scenario.
I finally had answers as to why I was feeling like this. I now knew why my body was acting this way. The sense of relief I experienced, is something I’ll never forget. I don’t wish hyperthyroidism on anyone, but it is a lot better than the alternative and feeling helpless and all alone.
I told all of my family. Only then, did they believe me and understand. Only after my hyperthyroidism diagnosis, were they sorry. So disappointing,, but true.
Two years on, now I have a beautiful 1 year old daughter and my own little family that supports me, unconditionally.They understand my condition and love me wholeheartedly. This was all I ever needed and wanted. To be heard, for someone to truly listen to me, to be supported and to not feel crazy. Oddly enough, hyperthyroidism has given that AND my life back.
After many tests and radio scans, I had my left thyroid removed this past week. It had grown too large and was toxic.
It was nerve-wracking and very scary beforehand. But, I’m excited to finally be getting my thyroid gland sorted out and to be leaving all my symptoms and depression in the past. Along with all of the negative things that happened. I am writing this to raise awareness. A simple blood test is all that is needed. Or a few, but it can be as simple as that. No one needs to endure what I had to. You can live with thyroid disease, hyperthyroidism. I was so desperate at one point, that I wanted to end my life. That should not have happened. I am hoping this helps people learn and start to ask questions.
Anyone that is trying to understand a friend or family member that has a Thyroid disorder, even undiagnosed, please listen, support, believe and most of all be patient with them. Maybe, just maybe, they’ll have the courage of getting through it. You are not alone. We are here for you. We are all in this together. Thyroid Thrivers are fighters and warriors and stronger than you can even imagine! We can beat hyperthyroidism and all thyroid diseases.
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